Sandy…. My Baby…

Posted in Uncategorized on November 4, 2009 by becs88

 SANDY

I can vividly remember the first time I met you. You were a bit scared but very curious about the place. You were wondering who these people were and was anxiously trying to find your way back to the home you knew.

 

I remember how beautiful you look. With fur so white and soft. Little brown spots here and there made you look more elegant. All I ever wanted to do was to hold you in my arms. And you never pushed me away when I did.

 

I remember how we tried to name you. We kept trying to come up with names like spots, brandy, lassy and finally the name sandy came to mind and it was you. When I said that name to you, you looked at me with those cute little eyes. I would like to believe that it was your way of telling me that you loved the name.

 

I remember that night that you were sleeping on the couch and I had to wake you up so that you will eat. You were so sleepy that your head kept falling as you tried to stay awake. That is one image that will remain in my head forever because you looked so adorable.

 

I remember the next day how I just took my eyes of you for a few minutes and the next thing I knew was that you were in the neighbour’s garden. Looking at me from opposite the fence with that “I made it across!!!” look. I always wondered how you managed to squeeze yourself under the fence. I had to lift the fence up so that you can squeeze back in. ;)

 

I remember how worried I was when you didn’t make a sound for the first few days you were with us. We thought maybe you had a problem and after the third day when you saw a cat standing at the gate, we finally heard it. After that you couldn’t stop. You barked at every little creature that moved.

 

I remember how excited you get when there are lizards on the wall. You will think that you are human and stand on two legs to jump and try to catch it. How I used to get you all excited by simply pointing in a direction and telling you that there was a lizard there. You will run from wherever you are with your tail wagging violently, you try to sniff to see if you can find it. And when you don’t, you look at me and walk away. No matter how many times I do it, you fall for it every single time.

 

I remember how much you hate to take a bath. I had to practically drag you and carry you to the bathroom and you use to just try and inch away from the water. After that you were the happiest clean dog there ever was, although it didn’t last long.

 

I remember how you used to wait religiously at the door just waiting for Mummy to get back and your head pops up when you see her walking. Before you know it, you are already at the front gate whining to her. And your tail just keeps on turning in circles.

You are always so excited to meet new people and you made them your best friends every time they came around. You loved the attention and the patting. You are the gentlest dog anyone could ever wish for. And I’m glad I had a chance to be with you for two wonderful years.

 

There were times when I wasn’t a good owner. I hardly took you for walks and had very little time to play with you but if I had another chance with you I will do it every single day. I guess its true when they say that you never realize how much you love something until it’s gone. And to me that something is you, Sandy who will always have a place in my heart and no other dog can take that away. I know you have a lovely home with people who love you and you are well taken care of and I am at peace with that.

 

Every time I was down, you light me up and at this moment I really wish that I had 10 minutes with you so that you can light me up again because I need it so badly. No one can make me forget everything like you do.

 

I just miss you so badly…. Everyone at home misses you… I would give up the world just to hold you and play with you for 10 minutes… just 10 minutes… I don’t think I have ever loved a dog this much before. You weren’t just a dog; you were the greatest friend and companion anyone could ever have. The person you are with right now is the luckiest person on planet earth to have you around. And that I know is true.

I admit I have a problem….

Posted in Uncategorized on October 9, 2009 by becs88

I have turned into this insomniac freak who can’t seem to fall asleep at night. I haven’t had a decent sleep in days and my mind is always in motion. Even when I sleep it’s like on a movie reel that never stops rolling. Don’t ask me if I have a problem or not because I don’t or rather I don’t know. It’s just that I was so used to staying up all night and sleeping during the day when I was on break that I can’t seem to break the cycle.

But the best part of it all I slept at 6am last night and got up at 11am. Thats only 5 hours of sleep and have been up the whole day, so shouldn’t I be feeling sleepy by now. Guess what? I’M NOT!!! AT ALL!!!

It’s 4am and I have a class in exactly 4 hours time. *dies*

I am going to be a walking zombie tomorrow!!

I hereby declare myself as an INSOMNIAC FREAK who is in need of a peaceful sleep. HELP NEEDED!! BADLY!!  (First step to recovery is admiting that you have a problem and ask for help.. right?? ) hahahahahahahahaha I’m weird…..

It’s exactly 4.04am.

Insomnia

Posted in "rawak-ness", *Familia* on October 3, 2009 by becs88

Holidays are almost ending. I go back to college on Monday and truth be told I can’t wait to go back. I just realized how lifeless I have become. Where is all the excitement and fun when you are on holiday? I guess you lose it little by little as you grow older. But I’m not that old!!!! I’m 21 for crying out loud. I should be partying everynight and getting wasted and doing crazeee stuffs or be on a vacation somewhere!!! hmmmm….. at least thats what most 21-year-old does when they are on break but apparently just not me…. I sooo needed a vacation but I just couldn’t get away. Being broke just ruins everything… sigh… When will I ever be able to enjoy the simply pleasures of life without whining about money??!!!

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Ever since I was on holiday, I became some sort of bum. Slept all day. Awake all night. Ate and ate like a pig. Just the normal qualifications that can be certified as being a professional bum. Now I’m wondering how am I going to get up and go for classes on Monday. Since classes are only during the day time which has been my sleeping time for the last couple of weeks. Hmmm….

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I am still waiting for the day that I can play in the rain. Whenever I want to, IT DOESN’T FREAKING RAIN!!!!!!!!!!!! Not done playing tricks on me yet??? Just a question, don’t need to get offended by it…

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HAPPY 9TH OR IS IT 10TH BIRTHDAY

SAMANTHA NETTO

&

HAPPY ” I DON’T KNOW EXACTLY HOW OLD, GUESSING 26 BUT NONE THE LESS YOU ARE STILL OLD” BIRTHDAY

MARCO EVERS

:) ;):);):) 

Rain Down On Me..

Posted in Uncategorized on September 28, 2009 by becs88

I love it when it rains. I love everything about the rain. The smell. The sound of a rain drop hitting the ground. The way the clouds all looks so gloomy. The way it feels when it touches your skin.

And the best part about being in the rain is that you can show any emotions you want and it will conceal it to the rest of the world. It’s like your secret keeper. When the thunder roars, I feel that it’s the way the rain acknowledges my whinning.. Call me crazy, but thats just how I feel..

I wish I had a yard to actually play in the rain as I have got a lot to tell. 

October… October… October…. think I can do it?

Posted in *dreams and wishes* on September 27, 2009 by becs88

OCTOBER WISH LIST

1. Beyonce’s concert tickets

2. A camera

p.s. If I can save up for one also I’ll be the happiest person ever… my guess would be the 1st one.. ;) Time to work extra hard!!!!

Reality sinking in… :)

Posted in Uncategorized on September 26, 2009 by becs88

I have had this nagging feeling that a lot of things are going to change or rather have already changed for quite some time and the reality of it is finally sinking in. Some I never thought it would happen and some were just bound to happen. Time to disappear for a while.. It seems to do more good than harm.. :)

Cheers… :)

Updates and a whole bunch of other crap….

Posted in "rawak-ness", *thoughts* on September 15, 2009 by becs88
It’s been awhile since I sat and blogged if you don’t count copying and pasting lyrics as blogging…. :)
 
A lot of things has happened, I don’t even know where to begin.. Hmm.. Let’s see…
 
THOMAS AND JACKY FINALLY GOT HITCHED!!! on the 5th of September 2009. The wedding was just so beautiful. It was like ‘the’ wedding of the year and it was really nice to see two people who are madly in love with each other expressing their love by making the ceremony a memorable one not just for them but for everyone else who witnessed it. I’m glad I had the chance to get to know them both as they are both wonderful human beings. It was really an eye opener for me that true love really does exist. Lets not get all sappy so yea… CONGRATULATIONS YOU GUYS!! (although I know you won’t read this but who cares.. hehe)
 
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My exams are finally over. Sitting for an exam after so long really gets to you but thank God it’s all over now. However being on break is killing me.. I know I should not be complaining but I really can’t stand not doing anything.. I’M BORED OUT OF MY MIND AND I’M BROKE!!!!! If anybody is going for a holiday of any sort, TAKE ME PLEASE!!! I CAN FIT IN UR SUITCASE!!
 
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I really miss being in Love & Life this year. Miss it like so damn much. Seeing all of them going for meetings and getting stressed up about the workload and talking about plans and stuffs brings back a lot of memories and it kills me inside knowing that I will never get to do it again. Those were moments that I cherish a lot although I used to get the screwing of my life for the stupid mistakes I did but that just made it all the better. The end came too soon but I guess it was all for good reasons. I mean I KNOW it was all for good reasons. Maybe it’s time to stop holding on so much on the past and start looking forward.
 
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Living in the past is something that I have become accustomed to and to change it is like finding a way out in a maze.. It’s hard but not impossible.. I just need patience and will… But it gets kind of hard when your heart tells you something and your brain contradicts it by saying something else. It’s like an ongoing battle inside of you that you just feel ripping it both out and saying that a little bit of compromising wouldn’t hurt.. (Here is where ya’ll are going “What the hell is she crapping?? It doesn’t make any sense at all) hahaha…. These are things that are flowing into my head right now and it relates to me somehow or rather and I’m sorry you read this if you already have… hehehe
 
All I want to do right now is to forget a lot of things.. but sadly I’m failing miserably.. I wish there was like a machine that is able to erase unwanted memories… That would be pretty cool, wouldn’t it… Maybe I should work on it and later become rich and famous… HAHAHA… and the crapping continues…
 
Goodnight….. :)

Iris – Goo Goo Dolls

Posted in *Interest*, Songs on September 9, 2009 by becs88
And I’d give up forever to touch you
‘Cause I know that you feel me somehow,
You are the closest to heaven that I’ll ever be
And I don’t want to go home right now
 
 And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
And sooner or later it’s over
I just don’t want to miss you tonight
 
 And I don’t want the world to see me
‘Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
 
 And you can’t fight the tears that ain’t coming
Or the moments of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
And you bleed just to know you’re alive
 
And I don’t want the world to see me
‘Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don’t want the world to see me
‘Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don’t want the world to see me
‘Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am

Blast from the past

Posted in *Me* on August 9, 2009 by becs88

Today as I cleaned my room, I found this stack of letters that I completely forgot it existed.

It was a bunch of letters that was written by me to someone whom at that time was really special. As I read the lines that I have written, memories started flooding my mind. I can’t believe how much I loved you. Those letters was a promise you made me make a long time ago before I left but never quite made it’s way to you.  And I guess it never was meant for you to read it anyways.

As I re read everything that I have said to you in the letter, I couldn’t help but think that this was the guy I gave my heart to a long time ago and now he is a complete stranger in my life. Isn’t that ironic?

And as I sat and ripped every single one of those letters into pieces, (It wasn’t because I was angry or anything, just felt it was time to do it) I realized how much I have matured in my life. All those silent tears that I have shed a long time ago that no one ever knew about and all those emotions that I faced was all gone. The  scar has been healed throughout this period of time. It happened so long ago that I can’t remember how it all started but who cares now since it has already ended. It was time I got rid of it.

However I am glad that you were a part of my life at the most difficult time. Although you wasn’t really around much but your promise was an illusion that help me through those days. Those days when I was all alone and the only thing I looked forward to was writing those letters and the thought that you were doing the same. It was the only thing that kept me going and I thank you for that.

I realized that the state of my being is entirely up to for me to decide and right now I am taking whatever it is that life has to offer me in a more positive manner as I have learned that wallowing in self pity is just a waste of time.

So here’s to the past and to other great experience that comes my way, either good or bad.. cheers!! ;)

Trying my hand at story telling

Posted in Uncategorized on July 31, 2009 by becs88

She knew that it will end this way. She knew it all along but she just didn’t want to let go. She always believed that there was still hope even though it was just a speck of it. She hung on till the very last end.

There were many times she questioned herself on whether she should give up and start saying goodbye because she knew that the pain would kill her soul. But looking at his face every morning, gave her that little hope and courage to continue praying for the better.

Today as she stood there looking at this limp figure in front of her, she knew he was no longer with her anymore. She couldn’t recognise the man lying there. At that moment she felt her whole world fall apart. She felt lost and so alone. She looked defeated. Defeated by this disease that consumed her lover. Her protector. Her life. The same disease that she now has to endure…….. all alone.